On STILL not knowing what I want to do with my life

If there is one thing guaranteed to always get me down, it's thinking of the future. I'm quite happy living in the moment because as soon as I think about bigger things, it brings on SO much anxiety. I have never known what career I want. Even as a child, I don't remember ever declaring I wanted to be a dancer, a doctor, or anything that most kids dream of; I've just never been sure. Maybe part of it is the fear of failure, so if I don't set myself the goal then I can't fail, but also I just have no bloody clue what I want to spend so much of my time doing. What I do know though is that it's not working in the job that I do now. I work in a 9-5 office job for a small company, (there's 6 of us here on a good day, so very small!) and I don't mind the hours, I quite like that it's not a big structured company, but it's draining. The work isn't challenging and there isn't enough of it. So much so that I do almost all of my brainstorming and blog planning in said work hours (shh). I just absolutely hate being bored!

I spent 3 years studying for a degree in Business Economics so as to delay the inevitability of looking for a ~proper~ job (not just for that reason, but it was a factor). I also just enjoy learning and had excelled in both maths and business studies for years previously so wanted to continue. But when I graduated, I realised that as much as I had gained from those 3 years, an idea of the career direction that I wanted to go in wasn't one of them. I ended up falling into this job because I had to do something, and basically, I'm still here. What also doesn't help is the literally *crippling* anxiety that I get at just the thought of a job interview, entering a new environment or meeting new people. Sometimes it makes me feel like I'm destined to fail!

I wrote a post last year about not being a 'girl boss' and how I don't think blogging full-time is for me, and I still agree with that. I need some job security (for my mental health more than anything!) and freelancing just doesn't have that. So I'm looking for a new job without actually looking at the moment. Building myself up for it, I guess! But does it really matter that I don't have a specific career goal? Most people I speak to are in jobs that they somehow fell into. Out of everyone on my course at University (that I know and speak to) I think only one is doing a job that uses the degree. People change and maybe I'll fall straight into another job that I love and never want to leave; maybe it'll take me 6 months to find something that I even want to consider. At the end of the day I'm only 24 and considering I won't be retiring until I'm 90 at the rate the economy's going, I've got plenty of time to find work that I love. For now I can cope with a dull job, having blogging on the side as a pick-me-up.

I'm trying not to let the pressure of social media and everyone else's successes get me down. Because every single person is so, so different!

Side note: how bloody fantastic is this co-ord?! I fell in love with it after seeing it on the topshop site and there was no chance I wasn't gonna order it.