H E A R T A U T U M N

If you read last years 'Summer Style' post then you'll be well aware that it is my least favourite season to dress for. And it seems that Summer has arrived particularly early in the UK this year with the current heatwave situation. So you can imagine how ECSTATIC I am about that! I just like layers and layers in heat don't work well.



It sounds so dramatic when I put it into words like this, but I just feel like I lose myself when the weather gets warm. I suddenly don't like anything in my wardrobe, I have a meltdown trying to find something to wear to the office everyday and whatever I do wear never feels very ~me~. It's always just crop jeans and a tshirt with no styling nor effort, and I'm not really just a jeans and a tshirt gal am I? Not that there's anything wrong with that of course. But if it was coloured jeans or tops that were a bit more than a basic white tee, or I even added a belt and some jewellery to brighten things up a bit, it'd feel more me. But I'm in a rut and none of this is happening.



When I get in this (annual) state, I turn to shopping. Because of course buying more clothes when you hate your current wardrobe is the solution! But it's not really helped me all that much. Of course I've got some new summery bits that I'm loving, but I was just very indecisive about it all. On multiple occasions (both online and in-store) I've picked pieces and then got to the checkout, changed my mind and put them back. Which is very good for my bank balance! But doesn't help me in finding what it is that I want to be wearing at the moment. I placed an order on Nasty Gal and none of what I ordered was particularly summery. Who wears a black velvet suit when it's 23 degrees outside?! It doesn't matter how many amazing girls with amazing summer style I follow on instagram, I just feel that I can't carry off those outfits or they don't suit me and who I am. So what am I supposed to do?



I know this all stems from insecurities and body confidence issues, but as inspiring as the body positive movement is (and I love it, the girls on my feed out there being unapologetically themselves, whether plus-size, super skinny, anything in between, it's UH-MAZING) I just can't seem to shake how I feel. I fell in love with this playsuit on ASOS and my first thought was 'but I don't think I'll wear it' so I ordered it to force me into wearing it! And this is twice I've worn it now. Both times I've worn it with nude fishnets even though it's been rather hot, but I don't care. I still did it. The mid-length sleeves definitely help, because I don't like getting the tops of my arms out, and the fact I sized up for a nice loose fit. So I might (slowly but surely) be getting there! I just need to find a few more pieces that I fall in love with and can force myself to wear.

If I was asked to describe my style, I could never give a one word answer. I don't particularly fit into one style ~group; I'm not grunge, I'm not boho, I'm not 80s nor 90s. I'm a good mix of all of these and more. My style is unique to me, but it comes with a lot of influence from a lot of people. And this isn't necessarily in the sense that I want to emulate outfits that they've worn, but more in making me think more about the outfits that I put together. I definitely feel inspired by era's in general, I love a 90s mini dress and platform combo, or a 70s flare and coloured lens duo! But there are always certain people that stick out to me in particular, so here's a few of them.



Alexa Chung
If anyone says Alexa isn't one of their style inspirations, I don't trust them. (I'm joking, of course) But I just feel like her whole look is always such effortless chic, I not only want to dress like her but to be her. I know I will never have a figure like Alexa, hence I will never be able to carry off the outfits she does, but the way that she's not afraid to experiment with androgynous style has definitely inspired me to be more like that! Mixing rock'n'roll pieces with girly dresses, or just wearing cigarette trousers with a pair of brogues and being unapologetically not feminine is what I love about her. 



Harry Styles
I couldn't not include my fave on this list, not only because I'm wearing his face on my tshirt, but because his style is actually my favourite of anyones at the moment. His style has transformed since his teenage years and he wears such loud and gairish outfits without a care in the world, I can't help but be inspired by that confidence. I also put him responsible for my love of suits because the floral numbers, the bright numbers, every one he wears looks FIRE. Again as with Alexa, there's that element of androgyny that feels so honest. The nail polish, the jumpsuits, the glitter, it makes me want to be the most me that I can be!



Megan Ellaby
Because of course it's not only celebrities who inspire my outfit choices! Megan was one of the first bloggers that I followed way back before I even started my own blog. Her love of colour and clashing prints, her lack of care wearing bright bold outfits that most wouldn't think of putting together, she's definitely one of the biggest inspirations on my wardrobe. I'm constantly being inspired to try new colour combos thanks to Megan and her rainbow of an Instagram feed, along with thinking more about the accessories that I put with an outfit!



Really, there is an infinite number of people who influence my style on a daily basis. Celebrities, bloggers, people I see on the street, anyone and everyone! I just picked 3 who are consistently at the top of my list, but I'd love to know who's at the top of your list!




Wearing:


T-shirt, Harry Styles Merch


Mesh Top, Missguided


Jeans, Topshop


Belt, ASOS


Hat, Primark

I first joined a gym when I was 16 and wanting to do something pro-active about hating my body. I got really into it and enjoyed lots of the different machines, but alas, as with most girls that age, I got distracted by boys and the prospect of a summer filled with long days and late nights spent in the park. The gym wasn't ~cool~ (neither was I, but you gotta try, right!). I did work out more at home, when we had a cross trainer, a sit-up bench and a lot more motivation. But I get bored easily. And so I cancelled my membership because it wasn't proving to be worth the money.
When I was in my second year at University, I wanted to get back into working out, so joined the uni gym with a friend and we were going twice a week, along with swimming once a week too (the only club I joined, even though I didn't ~fully~ get into it). But uni gyms are full of testosterone fuelled guys and I was very shy and intimidated; thus resulting in me going less and less. When I graduated, my student membership was up and I wasn't forking out for a full price one when I didn't like the atmosphere, especially when I had to first find a job! 
But now I'm at a new gym and finally getting into a workout routine that I enjoy, in an environment that doesn't feel intimidating, and it is working WONDERS for my mental health. There's nothing quite like just powering through on the step master with an episode of The High Low Show playing through my earphones (current favourite podcast, in case you were wondering!) and switching off from everything else in the world. 

I've never been a sporty person, but differentiating sport from exercise makes a massive difference. I used to hate PE with a passion, it was the only class that I wasn't in the top set for (geek, I know) and when I was in a car accident in Year 11 and got a doctors note excusing me from lessons for 6 weeks I was ecstatic. The pain of my whiplash was worth it ten times over to get out of PE, and I actually extended the sick note because my teacher forgot when it should've ended and I certainly wasn't going to be the one to tell her! In addition to this, during Year 10 a group of us actually chose to do extra maths lessons to get an additional GCSE (in Statistics, my fave, cos y'know, top geek!) which just happened to conveniently clash with PE! I only remember one time which I enjoyed PE and that was the short period in which we were allowed in the school gym (it was tiny and pathetic really) and basically just let loose on the machines. Rowing, running, weights, it was the most work I'd done in a PE class ever. And it was that feeling that made me first want to join a gym.

As I've mentioned in multiple posts before, I suffer with a lot of anxiety, a lot of social anxiety in particular, and I have a tendency to isolate myself away, convinced that people don't actually like me. When I get deep into this headspace and am convinced that everything in my life is a mess, I take myself off to the gym, put my headphones in and sweat it all out. I do a lot of cardio, but I enjoy some of the weighted machines and doing free weights on the mats too. I like rowing but it blisters my hands when I do too much, the step master is my favourite! I try to go 3 times a week, two evenings after work and once on a weekend, and that's enough for me. It works well! I want to try a class, in particular a spinning class, but I'm still a bit nervous about doing that. I also know that getting a personal trainer would make me work even harder, but for now I'm happy doing what I do and continuing to push myself to try new machines and come up with new routines each visit. There's nothing like the feeling of coming out of the gym, sweaty after a good workout, because you never regret a workout. Even if I've had a long day at work, sometimes I have to force myself to go because I know that I need it and I know that after, I'll be glad I went. 

I've been reading a lot of blog posts lately that have been getting me really inspired with my content; my two favourite blogging babes, Megan Ellaby and Chloe Plumstead in particular. I blog, first and foremost, for myself, but I still want it to be something that everyone else enjoys, of course! So after this post from Chloe that gave me a big kick up the bum and has stuck with me for the past 6 months, and reading Megans new chatty style posts, I've been consciously trying to make my posts more identifiable as me; more personal! So yeah, I'm gonna tell you all about how I fell in love with this babin' jumpsuit but thats not all I'm gonna write about. 



After shooting these photos, I went to do a bit of shopping because can I ever go into the centre of Leeds and not go into Topshop and Zara? No, I can not. And I was very conscious of people looking at me. Not like big crowds all staring or anything, just a couple of people doing a double take, one girl tapping her friend on the arm and pointing at me and it made me really self-conscious. Yeah its a bright yellow flared jumpsuit, but it's not like I've grown a second head or am walking on stilts is it? I've mentioned numerous times how much of a shy, awkward little bean I am, so I use my clothes as a way of expressing myself. Not only that, but they make great topics of conversation! So when the one thing that you're most confident in gets pulled apart in even the smallest of ways it is AWFUL. I mean, I wasn't bothered enough to go and get changed or anything, but when you don't have a clue what these people are thinking of you, it puts a feeling of dread in my stomach. They could've thought 'Oh thats different, I like it!' or 'what the hell is that?' or anything in between. I have absolutely no idea. And it's that not knowing that gets to me. I try so hard to be someone who doesn't care what other people think about them but it's tough. Even when it's strangers who you have never spoken to, never will speak to and will never even see again!



I picked this jumpsuit up late last year from isawitfirst.com when I was looking for Christmas party outfits. I was choosing between black mini dresses, got distracted and somehow this ended up in my bag because, I mean, look at it! I'm all about jumpsuits/dungarees/overalls of any kind and this colour is a dream. That combined with the fact that it was in the sale, there were no hesitations! However it then sat in my wardrobe for 4 months before I had the confidence to wear it. This wasn't only because of how bold it is, but because it clings to the stomach and I have a digestive condition that means a looooot of bloating. I'm still not sure that I'm 100% comfortable with these photos but they're real, they're me and there's simply not a lot I can do to change it!



It's not a groundbreaking tale to tell, and it's not going to change anything about how I express myself, how I put together somewhat ~loud~ outfits, but I think things like this are important to talk about. When you put pictures out on the internet in lairy outfits and people exclaim how they wish they had the confidence to pull it off, it's important to be transparent in how you don't always have the confidence to pull them off yourself! I don't particularly feel like my style is the most extravagant, but I guess to some people it is. Bold, statement outfits will, I think, always, be a very big part of my style, whether it be a brightly coloured jumpsuit, a patterned co-ord or a print clashing layered combination. 





Wearing: 


Jumpsuit, I Saw It First


Tee, New Look (similar)


Sunglasses, eBay (similar)




Photos by Matt McCormick

I recently wrote a post all about things I'm no longer apologising for; character traits I've felt embarrassed or ashamed of. Basically just vowing to be un-apologetically me (you can read it here if you like). And in it, I mentioned the fact that I'm not 100% vegan and I no longer want to feel guilty about that. I have nothing but admiration for people who are, it's definitely something I want to aim towards, but at the moment I have stomach and bowel conditions which restrict my food choices a lot anyway. I don't eat meat and I avoid 90% of dairy but I still eat fish on occasion and just don't check ingredients. There is, however, a side to being vegan that I want to focus more on. And that's going cruelty free with the products that I am buying and using; not just cosmetics but household products too!

Last year I made the decision to go cruelty free and started doing my research and buying make-up and skincare from brands that are against animal testing. Favourites include:

• NYX
• Barry M
• Charlotte Tilbury
• Too Faced
• Liz Earle
• The Body Shop

But I guess I was a bit half-arsed with it all. I only stuck to make-up and skincare; I couldn't find cruelty free haircare that worked with my hair (I have very tempremental hair; whenever I think I've found good shampoo, as soon as I get a second bottle it's no longer any good!) and I didn't look into things like toothpaste and deodorant, or even consider home cleaning products! 

I also got slack when I got offered a few gifting opportunities from big brands. I don't work with a lot of brands, partly because I don't have a big audience, partly because I'm quite selective in the opportunities that I accept (I don't want to agree to working with brands that I will regret in the future!) and so when I receive one of those ever elusive ~exciting emails~ I, indeed, do, get excited. And I don't want to say that I regret the work I've been doing in the past 6 months, I've genuinely worked hard to create good content and have used and loved the products I am promoting; but I don't want to keep it up. I want to get my morals back and think of the animal testing and not the freebies that I'm getting. This isn't what I started blogging for and so this isn't something that I want to compromise on any longer.



We're all somewhat aware that animal testing happens; even if companies claim not to test on animals, if they sell in China then their products are tested on animals at some point. For some backwards reason they require it by law, and if a company are genuine in wanting to be cruelty free then they can choose not to sell there! But money talks, hey. It is something that can be hard to research but not once you know where to look. 

• Logical Harmony is a great place to start, listing both cruelty-free and 100% vegan brands
• Cruelty Free Kitty is another good one with quite a comprehensive list