H E A R T A U T U M N

For the first year of having my blog, I didn't use social media for it at all, too worried of what people I knew would think. For the second year, I used it sparingly because I was aware that there were plenty of people who had been following me long before I started blogging, who might not be interested. And do you know when I enjoyed blogging most? When my stats were at the highest? When I was getting the most interaction on my blog? You guessed it! 



Over the past year I've become fixated on making my Instagram look ~good~, have somewhat of a theme and grow my following the best I can. And you know what? I'm done with it. Not only is it not worth the effort I'm putting in, because Instagram seems to be impossible for me to grow (I've been around 1500 followers since January fgs) but it's dragging me down and it's DRAINING. It's not about the numbers and I shouldn't be comparing, I know. But we all still do, don't we? It's hard not to when there's people who've started after you and are fast surpassing everything you're achieving. Like, of course I'm happy for them, they're doing amazing things, but I wouldn't be human if it didn't still get to me a little.



So I just want to strip things back. Get back to a place where I'm putting out content that I love, on my own platform, and focus less on the social media side of things. Yes, it can be great for promoting your blog, making friends in the industry, and being creative; but when it's dragging you down, you need to be aware and know when to take a step back. I want my focus to be on putting out more blog posts, not on creating good Instagram content. I want my focus to be on writing and putting together photos that set the right tone for that writing. I want my focus to be on my own platform, the one that I've invested my own hard earned pennies into, and not a platform that is out of my control and can be taken away at ANY minute. Because if Instagram dies and your focus is solely on there, then what do you have left? You might have had hundred of thousands of followers on there, but if they can't find you and your content elsewhere then it's game over, no?



I don't want to be the type of person who loses themselves to doing everything 'for the gram'. I don't want that to be my sole focus, because where's the personality? Who is the person behind those carefully positioned photographs? What's the story behind that outfit? My favourite people on Instagram are bloggers. And they're the bloggers who are still writing, opening up discussions and letting us into their lives. Bloggers like Chloe, Megan & Sophie (my top 3 who I will come back to every. single. time). Chatty captions and even chattier blog posts are what I'm here for. So shouldn't I be putting out the kind of content that I digest myself?
I know there's Instagram stories to get your personality across, but there's just *something* about sitting down with a drink and reading a nice wordy blog post that I think I will always love, y'know! Not throwaway content.



I think if I stop trying to come up with ideas for shots to post on Instagram every damn day, then I can put more effort into making my blog shoots better. Spend more time finding the right location, the right props and creating content that I'm much more happy with. Because everything has felt very stagnant lately; and yes, part of that is because it's summer and I hate summer style so find it the least inspiring, but also I've been frustrated. Feeling like your content is sub par and that it's not identifiably ~you~, not having an editing style that you want, (all sound like very first world problems, I'm aware) can really get you down. 
Sometimes all you need is a weekend away from social media, lots of me-time, lots of chill time and a trip to the beach to get you feeling refreshed! 

Blogging is 

my favourite hobby, 

my best distraction 

from the shit parts 

of life, and I just 

want to get back 

to enjoying it please!

Not only do I want to focus my time on improving my blog, but also on reading others and finding new blogs to fall in love with. So many people I once followed seem to have either drifted to different topics or given up altogether and my Bloglovin feed is the most uninspiring ever right now. So leave your blog links in the comments, but also leave me your top 3 (or top 5, 10, however many you think I just *need* to read!)


Wearing: Jumpsuit, New Look - Bag, L Credi via TK Maxx - Hat, Topshop (no longer available) - Trainers, Reebok

One of the things I've struggled with most in going cruelty free is the research. Finding out which brands are actually cruelty free; not in the Batiste style of creating your own 'leaping bunny' mock up label when you can't get certified, or the Garnier style of marketing 'vegan formula' products when said products are still tested on animals. So within my 'Sustainable Series' I thought I'd branch off into a mini-series of the cruelty free products I love. Hint: they're mostly budget friendly too!

Essentials

I think all of my essentials (deodorant, shaving foam, toothpaste, have I forgotten anything?) now come from Superdrugs own brand range! They're all completely cruelty free, Leaping Bunny certified, and possibly vegan too, but I'm not great on checking ingredients lists and knowing what to look for! They're all super cheap but just as good as branded alternatives, and often they're on offer too; I got the deodorant on '3 for 2' and the shaving foam on 'buy one get one free'. Both of those have delightful scents, and the toothpaste is almost identical to an Oral B one that I was previously using. There are really no complaints here!
I did try a natural deodorant from Native Unearthed that came in a glass jar as a solid and was to be rubbed on with your hands. A little strange at first but you get used to it, however it just didn't work for me which was a shame! 

Body Butter & Lotions

I'm a moisturiser addict! The one ~beauty~ lesson that my mum has always instilled in me is to moisturise every damn day. And that I do! I mostly use The Body Shop body butters because they smell like a DREAM and I love to alternate between different scents (I desperately want to try the new banana one please!) but I also switch out for body lotions when it's warmer. Throughout the heatwave these past few weeks, I honestly couldn't have lathered myself in a body butter. I would've melted! 
An alternative to The Body Shop ones is Soap & Glory. In particular the Righteous butter, but also any that aren't the Sugar Crush scent tbh. They're not quite as heavy, therefore not as luxurious and moisturising, but quicker to soak in so better if you're in more of a hurry! Both brands have frequent offers which I of course take advantage of to stock up. I currently have 8 body butters and 3 lotions filling my drawer and it's maybe a little out of hand. Woops! 

Shower Gel & Scrubs

The main thing I look for in shower gel is the scent; I know I should be looking at how it actually works, but? I like my showers to smell nice! Original Source is the best for both fruity scent and being a good, foamy cleanse. They have an array of scents and they also do the 'foaming shower gel' range, which I think is fairly new? Anyway I've got the pineapple one which will be next up in the shower and I'm hoping for luxury! If I'm feeling particularly boujie (read: there's a good offer on) then I may treat myself to some of the Soap & Glory shower butters but I'm tight and seven quid on one bottle of shower gel that doesn't last very long is silly, no?
In terms of scrubs, I don't really use a lot all that often, a good pair of exfoliating gloves and they're not needed. But if I want a bit of a pamper, then much like with body butters, it's between either The Body Shop or Soap & Glory.


Fake Tan

If you can't already tell from my photos, I'm not a big fake tan user. I've dabbled with a bit of St Moritz on night outs before, but I'm naturally pale and tend to embrace this. However, sometimes I feel too pale and a bit ghastly, so over the summer I've been using the St Tropez purity mousse and face mist. It works with your natural skin tone to give you a subtle glow, nothing over-the-top and orange, so it's been perfect for me! It also smells of coconuts which is much nicer than the usual fake tan biscuit aroma. Being clear, it leaves no transfer on your clothes or bed sheets and really, I've just been enjoying having a bit of colour and looking less ill. The face mist has made me much more confident in going make-up free!

Aside from the very obvious fact that I would need to grow my following tenfold (and the rest!), I just don't know if I'm the type of person that could make a career in blogging whether full-time, part-time or what! Because being totally honest, I'm not a strong enough person for such a cut-throat industry. I'm at the stage with my blog where some brands offer payment, others gifting opportunities; I'm happy with both and I'm not about to ask for more because, hello, my numbers don't really warrant it and it's important to be aware of that fact. But in either case, I've had brands literally HOUND me for more content or information and I just don't like it. It took me a while before I learnt to say no to opportunities that didn't feel right, I'd be too scared and simply ignore the emails (sorry!). Now, a polite 'Thanks for reaching out, but I don't think this is the right fit' works. But what do you say when you've already agreed to a collaboration and then things change?



I've always been a very shy and timid person, afraid to speak my mind. That's just the type of person I am and I can't seem to change it, however much I try! But when there's a computer screen to hide behind I've been able to ~fake it till you make it~ and act confident because there's no physical confrontation involved. Until now. And I don't know what's changed? I don't know whether it's because I'm still learning how this all works, I don't feel confident enough in standing my ground, or whether it's that I don't want to risk losing an opportunity that I'm excited about. I feel like I'm being a pushover and I don't want to be! 



Wearing: Co-ord (top, trousers) - Honey Punch via ASOS - Trainers, Topshop - Sunglasses, Primark (similar)


It's hard enough trying to grow your following these days, what with Instagrams ever-changing algorithms, the constant follow-unfollow on every platform, and 'big' bloggers telling you that nobody even reads blogs anymore (spoiler: I do, and I know plenty others who do! But if they don't... well can you even trust a writer who doesn't read?) I just don't want bad experiences with PR's to put me off blogging as well as these factors, because it has been. I've not dealt with a lot of PR's (I, obviously, don't get an overflowing inbox of opportunities!) but I've dealt with enough to know that there are some great ones out there just like there are some not so great ones. Don't invite me to an event and then chase me up every single day afterwards for a blog post which was never even MENTIONED prior, never-mind discussed and agreed upon. Don't gift me a voucher to spend on your website in exchange for a dedicated blog post, tell me there is no deadline and the content is up to me, to then ask if I can 'pretty please' have the post up in 7 days, add photos to my instagram story, include at least 2 dedicated instagram posts AND host a giveaway. Like I've said, I know my numbers aren't big enough to warrant payment but that doesn't mean you can take the piss in how much content you demand. 



I don't have 7 days a week and an instagram husband on hand to shoot content at every opportunity. I have 1 day a week (sometimes 2), possibly a photographer if I'm organised enough to make arrangements, or if not, a very patient mum behind the camera when she's not busy with her own life. I'm always very selective in the opportunities that I accept because I don't want to look like a beg or come to regret any decisions that I've made in the future. So when an opportunity arises that sounds great and is the perfect fit for me and my blog, I do get excited and I do turn into a yes-dog. Maybe over time I'll become stronger, but essentially this is still a learning curve for me. A learning curve that I think may take some time before I'm confident in knowing what I'm doing and putting my foot down, making my own demands.



At the end of the day I blog for me and nobody else. I don't blog for these opportunities, they're just a nice bonus that I see as a treat for the hard work that I put into blogging. I have a full-time job that takes up a lot of my time so I want blogging to be a happy escape!

July has been quite a good old month for me! I've spent time with friends, discovered new places, tried new things and enjoyed a boat load of sunshine; so I can't really complain at that (although I am glad that it's cooled down now, because Autumn is just around the corner and I can't bloody wait!). I sat down and brainstormed where I want to go with my blog earlier this month; working out what I want to accomplish and the style of content I want to be putting out across my social platforms. And now I'm feeling good about things! I'm not comparing, I'm focusing on ME.

What I Did
The biggest thing for me that has happened this month is that I've started practising yoga. It's something that I've been interested in trying for a while, but I didn't want to try a class and be absolutely terrible and make a fool of myself in front of a room full of strangers. So when I discovered Cat Meffans YouTube channel I had to give it a go! (I'm now a bit obsessed with her and want to go on yoga retreats and get a fluffy pup called Simba but shh!) I've started getting up half an hour earlier than usual and doing a 20-30 minute flow each morning, and I've honestly noticed such a difference. I feel so much better in myself than if I spend that time scrolling through social media before dragging myself out of bed. I couldn't recommend it enough!
I also ventured out with friends a few times this month, including a visit to Hardcastle Crags (a National Trust park which isn't too far from where I live); a food festival at The Piece Hall in Halifax and discovering new riverside bars to frequent in Leeds. It's just nice to do things that are a bit different but still on your doorstep sometimes isn't it? You don't have to go far to enjoy yourself! 

What I Watched
There is only one thing to talk about here and that is Mamma Mia: Here We Go Again. Because if you haven't seen it/don't like it/aren't interested, then I'm sorry but I just don't think we can be friends? I laughed and I cried and I didn't want to leave the cinema when it ended. I just wanted them to start it from the beginning all over again! I've had ABBA on loop in my car since and am ready to go back and see it as many times as humanly possible. Lily James is my queeeeen and I can't decide who I'm more in love with between young Bill and young Sam?
Also watched: Love Island (obvs) and I have a whole post coming about this next week so keep your eyes peeled; more Queer Eye (I don't want it to end but I've only got 3 eps left!); and the new season of Orange Is The New Black (It's almost too heavy at some points because it makes you think about how some of these things actually do happen; it's not just a comedy like I expected when I started Season 1 all that time ago, but I'm still watching. I'm attached to the characters!).

What I Read
I love reading but I'm a very slow reader! So I think I'm gonna keep the pressure off and only aim to talk about one book each month. July's favourite definitely has to be The Language Of Flowers by Vanessa Diffenbaugh as it was just beautiful. I loved the whole idea and the context, the switching between current and past scenes, the characters. Honestly, if you love a happy ending this is for youuuuuu!
In terms of other ~content that I've read this month, this article by Olivia Sudjic about the dangers of Natural Cycles was a very good read and makes you reassess who you're supporting online *side-eye emoji* and Hadley Freemans interview with Jameela Jamil is one to read because I think Jameela Jamil is bloody wonderful tbh! Chloes post about the death of blogging hit a chord with me because its bloggers like her, who write about real topics with substance, who I will always continue to support. And of course I couldn't not mention Megans book club post, because I'm always looking for new reads! 

What I Ate
As I mentioned, I went to a food festival last month where I had one of the best pizzas ever (but I'm trash and don't remember the companies name, soz); I also had my first ever Wagamamas (I know, late to the party as always) and it was bloody beautiful. I went for a tofu Pad Thai and polished every bite from my plate while my friend still had a mountain in front of her. So I think it's safe to say I will definitely be going back!
I did a food shop at Sainsburys at the start of this month (I usually go to Tesco; riveting chat this isn't it!) because I'd heard about their new veggie launches. The pulled jackfruit was bloody lovely, as was the Sweet & Sour that I made with their fake chicken. The Goodfellas vegan falafel pizza was also a big hit!