The Importance Of Like-Minded Friends
I've never been the type of person who finds making friends easy. And especially when you get out of education, it can be hard to make new friends. When I started blogging, part of the reason why was to find people ~like me~ and I sort of have. But more so in the way of having people to chat to online (which, by the way, is a very strong basis of friendship that should never be underestimated). I haven't so much made new friends who live nearby who I now meet up with every other week. And yeah, I have friends anyway. But not friends who understand blogging and the pressures that come with it; not friends who want to take outfits photos or understand why you're photographing your pancakes; not friends who are 'online'.
A couple of months back, I saw a fellow blogger (Lucy) asking if anyone wanted to get involved in a blogger meet-up in Leeds. Usually, however much I want to say yes, I just scroll past these opportunities too scared to take the leap, put myself out there and meet new people. But for some reason I was feeling brave and sent a little DM asking if there was a space for me; and there was.
Days later when Lucy then asked if I wanted to be added to a WhatsApp group with other local bloggers, I again leapt at the chance with a yes. Because I'm tired of holding myself back through fear. I'm tired of shutting myself away because I don't want pushing out of my comfort zone. I'm tired of not saying yes enough, when one of my goals for last year was to say yes more!
So on a Saturday back in October I met up with 7 other bloggers for brunch because, who doesn't like brunch? (Emma wrote a post all about it if you want a nosey.) And since then we've all been in regular contact in the aforementioned WhatsApp group (with a number of other girls who couldn't make that day). We might not have met up again, people being busy with Christmas and dates not coordinating for everyone, but that's not so important (we have secured a donut date at Temple in the next couple of weeks though which I am VERY much looking forward to). What I have found important is having a group of girls who I have such a big thing in common with, being only a message away. Whether it's been a question about instagram or extending an event invitation, asking for support on a post or help with understanding something, seeing everyone responding so positively to each other, supporting each other and not tearing each other down is a WONDERFUL thing.
Photos by LolaVisuals
Growing up, I had the best best friend, but I never had a girl gang. It was just the two of us. I never had a close group of girls who I could share everything with and I do often feel like I missed out. And these girls that I now talk to regularly might not ever be my best friends, some of them I may never meet or even speak to again (one girl did quietly leave the group chat last week, but I don't think she'd ever contributed tbh) but again, that's not important. What is important is feeling like there's people who understand something you're dealing with, people who have your back, people who you can vent to. Having someone who shares your annoyance with the instagram algorithm; someone who you could sit down and brainstorm blog post ideas with; someone who will happily take outfit photos for you if you simply return the favour; going out for brunch and everyone taking photos of their pancakes and not feeling like you're annoying anyone or making them wait!
So this year I want to spend more time with other bloggers. Whether that's the 7 I met for brunch or the numerous others in our group chat; bloggers I've met at events previously or those I speak to regularly online but haven't met up with before; I want to stop being afraid to meet new people and really push myself out of my comfort zone!
'A comfort zone is a beautiful place, but nothing ever grows there.'
And ok, I may of met up with other bloggers in the past and not had great experiences (I want to make friends not be used as a free photographer; and I don't enjoy being left standing in the cold because you couldn't be bothered to get out of bed [or send a simple text message], thank you very much). But one bad egg doesn't ruin the pack, or however the saying goes. If I let one bad experience put me off of things then I won't get anywhere, will I? You don't get a rejection after one job interview and just give up, resigned to a life on JSA, do you?
I've recently joined local blogger groups on Facebook too, and although people may not post in them all that often, it's still nice to feel somewhat of a community and get support and encouragement. Be able to talk about events you've been invited to and find out who else might be going!
Because as much as I love the friends that I have, none of them are really ~online~ and so don't understand the problems that I sometimes want to vent about. They're great for when I want to switch off and talk about things IRL though and that is equally (if not more) important!
Loves. Emma.
Skincare as Selfcare
Self-care has become somewhat of a buzzword in recent years and there are varying opinions on it, which I totally get; it seems overused when everything from a bath bomb to therapy is deemed self-care. But that's because it is! In a time where depression and anxiety among young people are at such a high, shouldn't we be encouraging everyone to look after themselves and engage in self-care, of any kind? A lack of personal care is said to cause an increase in anxiety and 'distractibility' along with anger and fatigue; things we should actively be seeking to avoid.
With social media so ever-present in our lives, it's become almost essential to find ways to switch off and relax. If having a bath with your favourite Lush products is what helps you switch off and relax, then do so! If lighting candles and getting lost in your favourite book is what helps you switch off and relax, then do so!
Something I've really gotten into to look after myself is skincare. Now this may sound silly, I'm aware, 'how is slapping on some moisturiser self-care?' but I'm talking a bigger picture. And my skin is literally GLOWING at the moment, if I do say so myself. (Add some vitamin C to your routine, you won't regret it!)
We all know it's better to invest in the best products you can for a good skincare routine. None of this taking make-up off with a baby wipe and we're done, no no no. I'm talking double cleanse, exfoliate, slap on the serums and rub in an oil. Buy an eye cream, we're not getting any younger! Taking the time to really look after your skin everyday feels like a mini pamper in itself and especially on an evening, can really help to destress.
But my favourite way to extend the pamper with my skincare routine on an evening is with a bit of facial massage. I have a jade roller that I LOVE; it's great for de-puffing and promoting drainage from the skin and is especially best if you keep it in the fridge so it's nice and cold to refresh the skin! Danielle did a little post all about Jade Rollers linking to a variety (there's not only Jade ones, but you can find Rose Quartz and Amethyst or simply angled plastic ones - I have a double edged one which is great for the jawline). However, you don't need to spend anything, your hands work at massaging too! Emma Hoareau has a highlight all about facial massage over on her Instagram that's really helpful, and although I don't do this every single day, taking an extra few minutes to pamper your face is just the perfect relaxing and de-stressing that you need after a long day at work.
A very common form of self-care that you see on the internet is face masks. And yeah, if you have a good skincare routine then you don't need to use face masks, but they're just nice aren't they? Not the horrific 'rip your face off to cleanse your pores' kind of charcoal masks but a nice soothing clay mask or a cooling, hydrating one! Putting them on gives you the perfect time to just be still. Lay on the bed, switch off and let it work it's magic for 20 minutes. The Ordinary Peeling Solution (labelled a 10-minute exfoliating facial) is one of my favourites along with the Liz Earle Intensive Nourishing Treatment Mask which leaves your skin super soft. The Body Shop do some great options too! (I'm not a fan of a sheet mask though - pointless and unnecessary waste.)
One thing that I'm vowing to invest in more for 2019 is facials (and massages and manicures!) Last year I went on a spa day with my mum and had my first (and only) ever facial and it was wonderful. I don't know why I've never had one before nor why I haven't had one since, but I need to! It was so soothing and left my skin feeling amazing. Along with getting professional advice and recommendations on how best to care for my skin type, I had 45 minutes of relaxation, getting my skin beautified and my head massaged, what's not to love?
What's your favourite form of self-care?
Loves. Emma.
But Am I Really A Feminist?
2018, for me, was a year of learning. I might not be in education anymore (and boy do I miss it!) but learning never stops. Whether its learning about other cultures, learning about those around you, learning about history or simply learning about yourself; we're always learning. And one of the biggest learning curves of 2018 for me was feminism.
Growing up, feminism was something I was never explicitly taught about nor had explained to me; it seemed almost like another world where women hated men and didn't shave their legs. Obviously that's not the case, and through growing up, reading and listening to others I can clearly understand that, but it's still what the patriarchy will have you believe.
Over the past year I've really tried to broaden the type of content that I consume. I've begun to follow more people of colour and trans people online; listening to their experiences and seeing the world from different points of view. I'm now following more writers and activists and I'm just (it seems like my favourite word in this post doesn't it, but) LEARNING. I've read more informative books and articles from some incredible writers, but the underlying feeling that I've had throughout all of this is that I don't feel like a feminist.
Even when you (quickly) get over the 'feminism is for men-hating' ridiculous ideology, it is still seen as such a loud word, for loud people who can make their voices heard and make a difference. Being a feminist means being unapologetically extroverted, right? I'm a very shy person, the most introverted introvert you will find, and so feminism feels scary and intimidating. It feels like public speaking and holding intelligent debates, it feels likes standing up and fighting back, it feels like all of the things that I've never been brave enough to do.
This morning I finished reading 'Feminists Don't Wear Pink & Other Lies' curated by Scarlett Curtis which I have devoured and loved and felt more inspired by than EVER. (It is an absolute must-read, please invest in a copy. 10% of the RRP goes to the girlUP charity!) There was one article in particular, by singer-songwriter and actor Alison Sudol titled 'My Feminism' that really struck a chord and had me screaming 'YES, me too!' in my head. She talks about how calling herself a feminist feels complicated; how it is seen to be something so extroverted, so intimidating, so no-nonsense. And she discusses how it is a lack of being educated on the topic that has led to this feeling. I could quote the whole article, it feels so relatable, but I won't. That wouldn't be fair, for one! But I will share this "My idea of feminism is a work in progress, and every time I edit this piece I find seventy-seven things to fix. And then I have to remind myself, I do not have to get everything right to be a part of this. The world is changing rapidly and there's a flexibility to this era that feels very exciting to me. ... I am hopeful, because so much is evolving, because I am part of the conversation and so are you, and each of us can bring our spirits, our hearts, our unique gifts, flaws and voices to a new way of doing things."
And I think that is the key to understanding your own feminism; understanding what unique things you can bring to the table and knowing that it won't be the same as anyone else.
Feminism is a very different thing to each individual. Maybe my type of feminism isn't organising protests and leading change, but that's ok. There are amazing women out there doing that, whom I will always support. People like Emma Gonzalez. Amika George. Nimco Ali. Not one of their feminism looks the same because they're different people with different things to bring to the table. Maybe my type of feminism is more subtle, but still very much necessary. Maybe my type of feminism is discussing with colleagues at work the type of language they use and changing their thought process; maybe my type of feminism is writing posts like this and hoping to educate or help even one person; maybe my type of feminism is buying from and supporting female owned brands. It might not be grand gestures and shape-shifting movements but it's enough.
By definition, feminism is the movement fighting for equality of sexes. Fighting to end discrimination based on gender, sexual orientation, skin colour, ethnicity, religion, culture or lifestyle. So if you believe in that, and you agree with that, if you offer up what help you can give to fight towards that, then you are a feminist. And don't let anyone tell you any different.
Wearing: Shirt, Topshop - Mesh top, Stradivarius - Jeans, Topshop - Belt, Vintage - Boots, Doc Martens - Hat, ASOS
Loves. Emma.