H E A R T A U T U M N

 

We all know that social media isn't a true representation of anybodys life; it's a highlights reel, etc. etc. But does that mean that what people are sharing isn't real life? Does it mean that they're not being their true selves online? Being a blogger and following lots of other bloggers, this is something that I think about A LOT. Sharing bits of your life online kinda comes with the territory and as much as I'm all for 'keeping it real', I do think some can take it too far to the point where it's no longer real anymore. I recently read The Authentic Lie by Pandora Sykes about 'seeking an authentic self, in a hyper-curated world', (which sadly was a PoundProject funded essay and is no longer available to buy) and it made me do a lot of thinking and a lot of reflecting.

On occasion, there's been people that I've followed online (bloggers or ~influencers of some kind) and I've seen how they suddenly change what they're sharing and how they're sharing it, resulting in a lot of growth. It can be hard to tell (sometimes) if that was a natural shift or a conscious 'this is how other people have grown their platforms' kind of shift. And when its the latter, I find the whole thing really rather gross. When did it become such a bad thing to be yourself and be unique? One thing that Pandora states in her essay which really resonated "Authenticity has become something to be bought and sold. Dispatches of the authentic self are posted into the empty vessels of social media so that they fill up, like a jar stuffed with Post-it notes about who we think, or hope, we are."
 
I like to think that me online is very much the same as me offline. I mean, my mums an avid reader/supporter of everything I post so if I wasn't, I'm sure she'd give me a few words! The only real difference I feel is that I come across far more confident online. Because typing behind a computer is the much easier option when battling anxiety.



So what does it mean to be your authentic self online?
To me, it's being as ~real and true to yourself as possible. Sharing the food that you enjoy eating, the clothes that you actually wear and the thoughts that you genuinely agree with. It's not sharing just for the sake of sharing; not following the crowds simply because you want to fit in; nor sharing faux relatable posts. 
In Pandoras essay, she regales on an instance when she saw a post on Instagram promoting people to 'love your stretch marks' while posting a photo of themselves showing zero stretch marks. And it's things like this, a flimsy attempt to anchor and co-opt authenticity in the digital age that ruins it for others. Remember when Missguided were accused of Photoshopping stretch marks ON to their models to seem more authentic in their images? And bloggers taking photos in an outfit once before the clothes are for sale on their Depop, to me, simply isn't them being their true self online. How do we know it's genuinely something you would wear if you didn't even leave the house in it or take the tags off?
People sharing selfies of them looking miserable to show they've had a bad day, because they like to keep things real is a funny one. I want to be supportive and be glad that they're doing so, but. If you have to proclaim your authenticity, is it truly there?



What authenticity online means to me
Being authentic online and being relatable are two completely different things. I hate seeing people complain that certain influencers aren't relatable, because the truth is not everyone is going to be relatable to you. We all live in different parts of the world, with different values and ethics, we earn different salaries and have different goals for how we want to spend that money. So stop slamming people for not living their lives the way in which you do/want to. 
Authenticity online is something really important to me. I don't want to support people who are faking their way to top. I've never condoned lying! 
To be authentic online doesn't mean to 'spill your psychological guts' and reveal a messy side to your life (metaphorical or physical!). You don't need to share everything. You can withhold the bad things in your life in the same way you can withhold the best things. Because to me, that is the best way to be your authentic self. Not curating a glossy social media persona. Keep it ~real by sharing the mediocre things in life. As Emma Gannon said "Choosing not to show the lumps and bumps of [y]our life, doesn't make you inauthentic".


How it's helped me curate my following lists
2019 has so far been the year of the 'clear out' on both my Twitter and Instagram following lists. I unfollowed those who weren't inspiring me or making me feel good. Those that I got fed up with seeing the same thing from. Those who don't talk about real life things. And it's made for more enjoyable (and informative!) scrolling time. Give it a go!


Wearing: Jeans, Levis via Next - Blouse, M&S via charity shop - Bag, TK Maxx (insert, The Hippy Rose on Etsy) - Sandals, Superga - Sunglasses, vintage

I never really talk much about health-related things on here, I don't want to dramatise things or come across attention-seeking for something that is quite a common illness. But with it being so common (at least one in 10 of us suffer from IBS), April being IBS awareness month and me being sat at home today having called in sick because of said IBS, I thought it seemed the right time to talk about my situation; my limitations, how I deal with it and hopefully bring some awareness to this invisible illness. (Whenever I see people calling it a chronic illness I always think they're being dramatic; there are far worse things to suffer from, y'know? But it can cause quite chronic symptoms!)

I remember being 13/14 and a friend being diagnosed with IBS and I'd never heard of it nor had any idea what it was; oh how I wish I could go back to that obliviousness! But if you don't know, IBS stands for Irritable Bowl Syndrome and is a condition affecting the digestive system. It can cause stomach cramps, bloating, diarrhoea and constipation just to name a few, and varies from person to person. There's not an exact cause and there's no cure; it's a lifelong condition which can be managed with medication, along with diet and lifestyle changes.

IBS is a very stressful condition; it can be hard to get a diagnosis given there's no test for it, theres no cure, and as it varies for every individual, it can be hard to manage. Not to mention the pain you have to deal with and the SHAME; oh and the fact that stress aggravates IBS! It's a bloody minefield!
I've gone through many flare-ups and had all of the symptoms possible, but my most common is the horrific cramps (sometimes to the point of curling up in a ball, crying on the bathroom floor) and fluctuating between constipation and diarrhoea which always keeps you on edge (soz to be TMI). And sometimes it's just really shit when you get up in a morning thinking you look quite good but as soon as you have some breakfast (even if it's something that you don't normally react to, like homemade granola or toasted rye bread) and your stomach bloats ridiculously so, making you look at least 6 months pregnant. And then you have to reevaluate your outfit choice because skinny jeans just won't fasten, let alone be comfortable all day.

Those with IBS express stress through issues in their gut in the same way people get neck ache or migraines.

There are numerous changes that I've had to make to my lifestyle since being diagnosed, including cutting out both alcohol and dairy. I have to be careful when ordering takeaways given that greasy, carb-loaded meals are my worst enemy and I can't eat apples or pears without getting cramps. Nor can I have onions, which ruins a lot of cooking! But focusing on the positives, I've got much more experimental in the kitchen. It might be making my transition to veganism extraordinarily hard, but I've discovered so many new foods and my diet is much more fresh and healthy than it ever has been.



I've also kind of been pushed into a strict routine. I've always been someone who likes planning and routines, but now it's too important not to. I need to eat 3 meals a day, not intermittent snacking; I can't exercise after food and I've worked out that regular stretching is essential for helping with cramps. So I get up and do 20 minutes of yoga in a morning and not only does it ease pain but it also helps with my headspace; allowing me to destress and lose some anxieties.


Wearing:


Pinafore, ASOS


Top, Stradivarius


Jacket, All Saints


Boots, River Island (old)











Other things that help me, in case you suffer too and are looking for tips:

• A regular exercise routine. Along with the yoga, I try and go to the gym 3 times a week for both cardio and weights. Sometimes I can't do too much without near collapsing, but the regular movement helps with everything.
• Keeping a food diary. I'm not too good with this anymore, now that I've worked out most of my triggers, but it still helps to keep track and when symptoms are flaring up.
• Probiotics! I take a probiotic every morning after my breakfast and definitely think it's helped with keeping things healthy down in the gut!
• Hot water bottles are an absolute god send. I have one that lives on my bed, one in my drawer at work and a spare one in a drawer somewhere. 
• Journalling. It might sound odd, but bear with me! I keep a bullet journal now, writing down my intentions for the day and what I've been grateful for the previous day. It's helped me to keep more focused and positive about things, alleviating some stress and worries which in turn helps minimise cramps.
• Outfits like this! With no waistbands and nothing tight on the tummy.