H E A R T A U T U M N

February was a terrible reading month for me. In fact, it was a terrible month for me in general. And there was no way I could do a monthly wrap-up featuring one lone book, so here we are with February and March combined! I started February in a reading slump; I was coming down from the high of reading (and loving) The Book Thief, and although I picked up a book I was sure to love, it just wasn't pulling me out of my slump and it took me weeks to finish. I then had some personal news which left me in quite a bad place, certainly unable to even pick up a book, let alone focus my mind enough to read. But March picked up somewhat when I focused all my energy on reading for escapism, so here we are with more books than I expected to be able to share with you!

Sweet Sorrow, by David Nicholls  ★★★

I love David Nicholls work and was sure I would love Sweet Sorrow, so this was my top choice to pull me out of my reading slump. I'm sad to say it didn't work! 

"In 1997, Charlie Lewis is the kind of boy you don't remember in the school photograph. His exams have not gone well. At home he is looking after his father, when surely it should be the other way round, and if he thinks about the future at all, it is with a kind of dread. Then Fran Fisher bursts into his life and despite himself, Charlie begins to hope."

I did love the book, the plot, the characters, the writing, all of it; it just wasn't wow enough for the mood I was in at the time? So this is definitely one that I'll revisit and I'm sure will enjoy much more when I'm in a better headspace. But the thing I adore most about Sweet Sorrow, and Nicholls work in general, is the way that the characters are all so flawed. No relationship, whether romantic, familial or friendship, is ever portrayed as perfect, and it all feels so real and raw and relatable. 

Animal Farm, by George Orwell ★★★★

I've had George Orwell novels on my must-read list for years now, but have simply been putting them off in favour of anything else that crops up. So I finally decided to tackle the top 2 back to back this month!

"All animals are equal - but some are more equal than others. When the downtrodden animals of Manor Farm overthrow their master Mr Jones and take over the farm themselves, they imagine it is the beginning of a life of freedom and equality. But gradually a cunning, ruthless elite among them, masterminded by the pigs Napoleon and Snowball, starts to take control"

Allegedly written about the Russian Revolution, Stalin, and the rise of Communism, I thought Animal Farm was such an interesting (if not very bizarre) read. I really did enjoy it! A fascinating way in which to portray how a revolution is started to stop what is happening and ends up going full circle to come to the same point it started from with a different face of power. It's a clever demonstration of how the ruling class makes a fool of the working class, using their energy and resources for their own pleasure. And yes, Benjamin was of course my favourite character. Sometimes you have to remain neutral and simply can't speak up, despite being the most intelligent one there.

1984, by George Orwell ★★★★

The other Orwell novel I've been wanting to pick up, and one I actually got to scratch off my 'top 100 books' poster. 

"Winston Smith works for the Ministry of Truth in London, chief city of Airstrip One. Big Brother stares out from every poster, the Thought Police uncover every act of betrayal. When Winston finds love with Julia, he discovers that life does not have to be dull and deadening, and awakens to new possibilities. Despite the police helicopters overhead, Winston and Julia begin to question the Party; they are drawn towards conspiracy. Yet Big Brother will not tolerate dissent - even in the mind. For those with original thoughts they invented Room 101..."

Orwell's terrifying vision of a totalitarian future in which everything and everyone is a slave to a tyrannical regime; this is definitely one you've got to be in the right headspace to read and properly digest. A world in which every aspect of living is controlled by the state, where history is rewritten and there is no real truth. I did really enjoy reading this, in the sense of how fascinating I found the dystopian world and was eager to see how it ended. But I read one review that said '1984 is not a particularly good novel, but it is a very good essay' and I think that sums it up perfectly for me? As a novel, it's not the best in storytelling and the characters are bland, but the points it makes are thought-provoking and you still care about the characters because of the things they have to live through.

If I Was Your Girl, by Meredith Russo ★★★★★

A friend recommended this book to me some time last year and I picked it up from Waterstones, then proceeded to put it on my shelf where it sat untouched for months. But after reading back-to-back Orwell I was craving some easy reading YA.

"Amanda Hardy is the new girl at school. Like everyone else, all she wants is to make friends and fit in. But Amanda is holding back. Even from Grant, the guy she's falling in love with. Amanda has a secret. At her old school, she used to be called Andrew. And secrets always have a way of getting out..."

I actually devoured this book so fast, I bloody loved it! It's easy to read in the sense it is a super quick, fast-paced novel, but not in the sense of how heavy some of the subject matter is. I cried throughout, but I thought it was just such a beautiful story that managed to find a good balance between the intense subject matter and light-hearted teen fun. This is, shamefully, the first book that I've read with a trans main character and I'm really pleased that it's written by a trans author too. It's quite an eye-opener into what it can be like to transition as a teenager, the struggles, the reactions of those around you, and the support needed. But also heart-warming in so many ways. This book is excellent, important, emotional and one I'd recommend to all!

The Bell Jar, by Sylvia Plath ★★★★

The Bell Jar had been on my radar for quite some time, but it never really intrigued me all that much. I then started to see it pop up a lot on social media as other people were reading it, so  with it being another one to scratch off my poster I decided it was time to give it a go.

"When Esther Greenwood wins an internship on a New York fashion magazine in 1953, she is elated, believing she will finally realise her dream to become a writer. But in between the cocktail parties and piles of manuscripts, Esther's life begins to slide out of control. She finds herself spiralling into depression and eventually a suicide attempt, as she grapples with difficult relationships and a society which refuses to take women's aspirations seriously."

The original Sad Girls Novel! I am actually disappointed that it took so long before I picked this up. Following a frightening journey though the mind of a young girl suffering from depression in the 1950's, this isn't exactly a novel to 'enjoy' but it's definitely one to 'feel'. And feel it I did. Plath truly captures the emotional characterization of depression and the utter helplessness that accompanies it and it was one of those books that you finish and just sit in silence for a few minutes. It was certainly pleasing to see just how far we've come since the 50s/60s in terms of treating mental illness.

Natives, by Akala ★★★★

Although I made a promise to myself to read more non-fiction this year, this is sadly the first I've picked up. But at least it's a start, hey?

"From the first time he was stopped and searched as a child, to the day he realised his mum was white, to his first encounters with racist teachers - race and class have shaped Akala's life and outlook. In this unique book he takes his own experiences and widens them out to look at the social, historical and political factors that have left us where we are today."

Before I saw this book doing the rounds last year, I didn't actually know who Akala was. I'd only seen him pop up on twitter a few times before, sounding like an intelligent, well-informed individual - and this book definitely proved that. It is incredible how much knowledge Akala draws on to develop a very personal and compelling argument about race in the world today, and the way in which he weaves his own personal stories with larger historical facts is so well done. This book definitely taught me a lot about the history of the British Empire which shockingly is not taught in the education system and I had failed to do my own research on. But with his humour, wit and sardonic tone throughout this book is highly engaging and one I would certainly recommend.

It's been quite th 4 star month for me, hasn't it? Have you read any of these? Which is your favourite?

Loves. Emma.

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If you're looking for the best scenic walks, Yorkshire is without a doubt the place to be. (Not that I'm biased!) And it's one thing I've been especially grateful for over the past 12 months. February has been a hard & heavy month, having lost one of the people I love most, so it's been essential for me to get out of the house. Fresh air, perspective and freeing your mind is all too necessary when grieving. So off to Hardcastle Craggs I went last week, with my mum, for a nice little walk.

It's been a couple of years since I last went, but it's still as stunning as I remember. So whilst I'm not in the frame of mind to be writing think pieces (or any kind of pieces) on the blog, I just wanted to share some images of how beautiful a place it is.

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After really getting back the reading bug last year, I'm wanting to continue my little monthly wrap-ups. And they are little, because 4 books (which I accomplished in January) is a lot for me as a slow reader, to get through in one month alongside work and, y'know, life! But I like books, I like writing about books when I've enjoyed them, and the four I've read so far in 2021 have been rather great choices.

If you didn't read my last post, I'm trying to read more classics and highly-recommended books this year to tick off on my scratch-off poster of '100 must-read books'. So 3 of these 4 are for that reason, the other is just a highly anticipated read that I couldn't leave in my TBR pile for any longer. 

The Great Gatsby, by F Scott Fitzgerald ★★★★

It's somewhat embarrassing to admit I've not read so many of the greats until now, but I've always opted for contemporary over classic for the simple fact that they're easier to read and more relatable. But boy do I regret not picking this one up sooner!

"Set in the Jazz Age on Long Island, the novel depicts narrator Nick Carraways interactions with mysterious millionaire Jay Gatsby and Gatsby's obsession to reunite with his former lover, Daisy Buchanan."

Simply put, I loved it. I thought the prose was delightful and I loved the way it was told through the narrative of Carraway. I read a review on Goodreads that summarises 'As clear a portrait of a generation as has ever been put to pen, and Fitzgerald has done even better by making much of the qualities of this novel timeless, shining a bright light on all that is right, and much that is wrong, with our society and our culture.' and honestly, I couldn't have summed it up better myself? It's complex and multi-layered but subtle and simple at the same time. The only thing stopping it from being 5 stars for me is the actual plot; I can't help but feel like it was lacking something, but I don't know what.

The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo, by Taylor Jenkins-Reid ★★★★★

TJR is fast becoming a must-buy author for me! After reading (and adoring) Daisy Jones and the Six this was a must-buy. I'd heard so many good things and it for sure did not disappoint.

"Aging and reclusive Hollywood movie icon Evelyn Hugo is finally ready to tell the truth about her glamorous and scandalous life. When she chooses unknown magazine reporter Monique Grant for the job, no one in the journalism community is more astounded than Monique herself. Why her? Why now? Monique is not exactly on top of the world. Her husband, David, has left her, and her career has stagnated. Regardless of why Evelyn has chosen her to write her biography, Monique is determined to use this opportunity to jumpstart her career."

The remarkable thing with TJR is how she makes fictional stories and characters so so real. With Daisy Jones & The Six, I wanted to listen to their music even though it's not real, and now with The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo, I want to watch Hugos back catalogue of movies even though it doesn't exist! The narrative in which the story was told was simply just magnificent, I loved Evelyn even when I didn't want to love her. Awful, complicated, completely lovable Evelyn who is a flawed, compelling, brave, ambitious woman. The twists and turns of the story weren't obviously predictable but also not all that shocking in surprise, if that even makes sense? The book tackles a lot of issues so fiercely and unapologetically, and I just know this is one I'll be picking up again to re-read soon.

Alice in Wonderland, by Lewis Carroll ★★★

When I saw this listed on my scratch-off poster I was in two minds whether to scratch it off; I know the story and read it many moons ago as a child but I don't remember reading it? So when I found the beautiful Wordsworth Classic Editions reduced on the WH Smith website I picked it up along with a few others and gave it a re-read.

"After a tumble down the rabbit hole, Alice finds herself far away from home in the absurd world of Wonderland. As mind-bending as it is delightful, Lewis Carroll's 1865 novel is pure magic for young and old alike."

You know what? This book is absolute madness. I'd forgotten quite how bizarre it all is, and reading it as opposed to watching the film is much harder; I'm not good at trying to come up with the visuals in my head and in all honesty, I found some of it a little tedious. There were adventures that I enjoyed of course, but essentially, I'm still unsure whether I think Lewis Carroll created a fantastic piece of fantasy or a great big pile of nonsense.

The Book Thief, by Markus Zusak ★★★★★

When I say I've been putting off reading this book for a long time, we're talking years. I've heard the hype, I've wanted to get involved, but I knew it was going to break me. And it shattered me.

"It is 1939. Nazi Germany. The country is holding its breath. Death has never been busier, and will be busier still. By her brothers graveside, Liesel's life is changed when she picks up a single object, partially hidden in the snow. It is The Gravedigger's Handbook, left behind there by accident, and it is her first act of book thievery. So begins a love affair with books and words, as Liesel, with the help of her accordian-playing foster father, learns to read. Soon she is stealing books from Nazi book-burnings, the mayor's wife's library, wherever there are books to be found. But these are dangerous times. When Liesel's foster family hides a Jew in their basement, Liesel's world is both opened up and closed down."

Given that this is a YA book, it is easy to read in terms of writing style. However, given that it is set in Nazi Germany, it is often difficult to read it terms of the plot. I've read books set around the Holocaust before, both fact and fiction, but this was a unique take that I'd not come across. The way in which it is narrated by Death itself puts such a different spin on the book, and the way in which it doesn't focus on the story of the direct victims of Hitler, but the indirect. Germans who don't want to follow the Nazi regime but don't have much choice to do otherwise; who are hiding in shelters and losing loved ones as the country is bombed. The characters are rich, interesting and wily. The character development is second to none. And honestly, this is a book that I would recommend to any and everyone.

What have you read throughout January?

Loves. Emma.

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I've already ticked 4 books off of my 2021 TBR which I'm rather pleased with. I managed to hit 48 books last year, but I know that that was largely down to lockdowns, losing my job and being at home for 4 months! So I didn't want to set a higher goal this year given that I have a new busy job and *fingers crossed* we won't spend the majority of the year in some form of lockdown again. So I'm aiming for 40! And my TBR is a little different this year with less current books; for Christmas I got a '100 must-read books' scratch-off poster so I'm trying to make my way through a lot of the classics that I've either not read/read so long ago I can't remember. But there's still some more recent releases that will slip through; Akala's Natives is on my shelf waiting for me to pick it up and Sally Rooney and Taylor Jenkins reid both have new releases due this year which I'm rather excited for. I'm currently reading Sweet Sorrow by David Nicholls as a break from classics, because I didn't get round to it when I picked this up last year. I adore his work!

Another thing I'm making a lot more time for this year is my bullet journal. I found it to be such a saving grace last year and I really want to use it to give myself more focus and put my energy into what's good for me. I'm already enjoying my new layout, complete with a monthly mood tracker and gratitude list which were the 2 game changers for me last year. I've also started a habit tracker, so I can consciously make more time for things like writing, reading or jogging, as well as using it to monitor my water intake to ensure I'm getting my 2 litres everyday!

I really fell out of love with social media last year, and I must say everything feels a lot lighter and brighter not worrying about it. Not constantly thinking about getting a photo of my outfit, or what I can post on my story; not doing things solely with a purpose of sharing them online. I go online everyday still, don't get me wrong, but only a quick flick through stories and a scroll on twitter to keep up-to-date. Nothing like the hours I was racking up this time last year! I've also unfollowed so many big influencers because the lack of self-awareness in the midst of a global pandemic is astounding and I'm just not here for it. 

Less time on social media means more time for reading, working out, doing a jigsaw or for simply de-stressing in front of the TV, and I am absolutely here for it.

How has your 2021 started?

Loves. Emma.

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 As I write this, I'm currently huddled up in front of the fire, Folklore vinyl on loud, having already finished my first book of 2021 and planned out my January TBR. So I guess you could say I'm feeling good! But you don't want to know about my current situ, you're here for some book reviews. My round-up of books for 2020 was basic to say the least; all the books that you've seen on bookstagram, I picked up. Yes I tried to make my reading diverse and I also mixed it up with some non-fiction in there, but it was still nothing revolutionary. So one of my goals for this year is to discover more lesser known books through visiting my local independent book shop, because they're good at supporting indie publishers, as well as making my way through some classics that I've shamefully never picked up.

Anyway, enough of the rambling and onto my top 10; in no particular order...

Clap When You Land, Elizabeth Acevedo

"Camino Rios lives for  the summers when her father visits her in the Dominican Republic. But this time, on the day when his plane is supposed to land, Camino arrives at the airport to see crowds of crying people... In New York City, Yahaira Rios is called to the principal's office, where her mother is waiting to tell her that her father, her hero, has died in a plane crash. Separated by distance - and Papi's secrets - the two girls are forced to face a new reality in which their father is dead and their lives are forever altered. And then, when it seems like they've lost everything of their father, they learn of each other."

When I first added this to by TBR I did so based solely on the plot; I was unaware of the fact that it is written in verse. I then reconsidered picking it up, but decided I still wanted to because firstly, the plot had already drawn me in, and secondly, just because I haven't read much in verse previously doesn't mean I won't enjoy it? And enjoy it I did! In a dual narrative, Acevedo writes beautifully about grief, love and everything in between; the devastation of loss, the difficulty of forgiveness and the bittersweet bonds that shape our lives. It's a magnificently emotive story that packs a lot in and had me reaching for the tissues often. 

Girl, Woman, Other, Bernardine Evaristo

"A love song to modern Britain and black womanhood, Girl, Woman, Other follows the lives and struggles of twelve very different characters. Mostly women, black and British, they tell the stories of their families, friends and lovers, across the country and through the years."

After (jointly) winning the Booker prize in 2019 this was on my radar for a while before I actually got around to picking it up. Evaristo writes so vibrantly of contemporary Britain, twisting between 12 narratives, each of which are cleverly interwoven in subtle ways. With a seamless feminist narrative, it speaks of race; living and surviving in a white dominant culture and its implications and repercussions, the broad church of thinking when it comes to the definition of black and the questions of identity. When I tell you I couldn't put this down! I have since picked up further works of Evaristos and am excited to get stuck into them this year.

Daisy Jones & the Six, Taylor Jenkins Reid

"A gripping novel about the whirlwind rise of an iconic 1970s (fictitious) rock group and their beautiful lead singer, revealing the mystery behind their infamous break up."

I put off reading this book for quite some time, simply because of the hype it was getting and the fact I didn't think it would live up to it. But boy was I wrong! The unique, intriguing, captivating writing style was second to none and this book left me feeling convinced that Daisy Jones & The Six simply must have been a real band. I was so gripped by the story, the characters and even the song lyrics interwoven into the tale; hearing that Reese Witherspoons production company bought the rights to turn this into an Amazon series is beyond exciting! This is another one that I loved so much, I had to pick up more of the authors work and I am currently reading The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo which is just as (if not more so) wonderfully emotive.

The Beekeeper of Aleppo, Christy Lefteri

"Nuri is a beekeeper; his wife, Afra, an artist. They live a simple life, rich in family and friends, in the beautiful Syrian city of Aleppo - until the unthinkable happens. When all they care for is destroyed by war, they are forced to escape. But what Afra has seen is so terrible she has gone blind, and so they must embark on a perilous journey through Turkey and Greece towards an uncertain future in Britain."

I would really struggle to pick a favourite of these books, but this one is by far the most beautifully written with such a heartbreaking, realistic rendering of the refugee experience. Lefteri seamlessly bridges the past to the present through flashbacks, Nuri's dreams and nightmares, and the simple, yet very affecting way in which the last word of a chapter is the first word of the next. It's not a very long book but it's certainly not a quick read; it's one that will sit with you long after you finish it. A beautiful story of love, loss and hope, I can't wait to get stuck in Lefteris other work.

Convenience Store Woman, Sayaka Murata

"Keiko has never fit in, neither in her family, nor in school, but when at the age of eighteen she begins working at the Hiiromachi branch of "Smile Mart", she finds peace and purpose in her life. In the store, unlike anywhere else, she understands the rules of social interaction. Managers come and go, but Keiko stays at the store for eighteen years. Keiko is very happy, but the people close to her increasingly pressure her to find a husband and start a proper career, prompting her to take desperate action.."

My first foray into Japanese literature, this short, darkly quirky story was a wonderful introduction! It was so unique, such a refreshing read to anything I'm used to, and the perfect choice for me to conclude my 2020 reading. I felt warmth to Keiko throughout the story, despite her sometimes darker inclinations, and yes she is a bit weird, but this is certainly a story to open up conversation about fulfillment and success in life. If you're happy and enjoy your job, what's so wrong with that? Do we all have to pursue career paths? Is it weird when women are not in a relationship? Do women have to become mothers? At times funny, at times sad, always compelling.

Little Fires Everywhere, Celeste Ng

"Set in the fictional suburb of Shaker Heights, where everything is planned, this book follows the arrival of artist Mia Warren and her teenage daughter Pearl, their relationship with the Richardson family whom they rent an apartment from, and sees a custody battle over the attempted adoption of a Chinese-American baby by friends of the Richardsons."

This book is filled with so many scenarios with so many questions and no perfect answers. But it's a book that, for the first time in a long time, challenged my mind and problem solving skills!  I absolutely loved this book; I loved the characterisation, the plot, the story-telling; but I must say the Amazon Prime series doesn't quite cut it for me. Ng's first novel, Everything I Never Told You, however, has shot to the top of my TBR. 

Normal People, Sally Rooney

"At school Connell and Marianne pretend not to know each other. He's popular and well-adjusted, star of the school soccer team, while she is lonely, proud, and intensely private. But when Connell comes to pick his mother up from her housekeeping job at Marianne's house, a strange and indelible connection grows between the two teenagers - one they are determined to conceal."

Oh My God, did I love this book! I feel like it ripped my heart out and put it back together with a missing piece I will never get back. It's hard to put my finger on why exactly I found this so compelling, but Rooney is simply a literary genius. Exploring the subtleties of class, the electricity of first love, and the complex entanglements of family and friendship, if I was forced to pick a favourite from this list, I think it would have to be Normal People. Don't even get me started on the BBC adaptation and how many times I watched it last year..

The Hate U Give, Angie Thomas

"Sixteen-year-old Starr Carter moves between two worlds: the poor neighbourhood where she lives and the fancy suburban prep school she attends. The uneasy balance between these worlds is shattered when Starr witnesses the fatal shooting of her childhood best friend Khalil at the hands of a police officer. Facing pressure from all sides of the community, Starr must find her voice and decide to stand up for what's right."

An incredibly written book that was brought to the forefront of my attention during the latest wave of the Black Lives Matter protests, this is absolutely one of the most important reads that I would recommend to everyone. It made me cry multiple times, but I simply couldn't put it down. When you find a book that combines being an important read with a political/social message, and being well-written, gripping and emotionally charged, it's rare. But boy is it good when you find them! With light-hearted moments of joy to make you smile among the often heavy themes, The Hate U Give really covers everything you could want in such a book. It's a truly eye-opening look into racial bias in the justice system in America with phenomenal characterisation and heart-warming family dynamics that I simply adored.

Such A Fun Age, Kiley Reid

"In the midst of a family crisis late one evening, white blogger Alix Chamberlain calls her African-American babysitter, Emira, asking her to take toddler Briar to the local market for distraction. There, the security guard accuses Emira of kidnapping Briar, and Alix's efforts to right the situation turn out to be good intentions selfishly mismanaged."

This book had me gripped so much so that I finished it in only 2 days! It's a very current read, which I thought might be a bad thing, but I think it actually made it more readable. It's a disheartening yet not at all surprising story, which gives an insight into how white people, however well-intentioned, can get it so so wrong by just not listening to Black people/POC, their experiences and their needs. I cringed at multiple parts of the story and definitely have a lot to say about Alix and her friends, but the characterisation was really well done and the relationship between Emira and Briar was just wonderful. A book just on those two would've been great!

The Vanishing Half, Brit Bennett

"The Vignes twin sisters will always be identical. But after growing up together in a small, southern black community and running away at age sixteen, it's not just the shape of their daily lives that is different as adults, it's everything: their families, their communities, their racial identities. Many years later, one sister lives with her black daughter in the same southern town she once tried to escape. The other secretly passes for white, and her white husband knows nothing of her past."

Spanning decades from the 1950's up to the 1990's we see multiple strands and generations of the Vignes family. Dealing with racism, colourism, LGBTQ+ and domestic violence, with a heavy focus on the conflicted sense of identity and the turmoil that comes with it, this was such a compelling read. Brit Bennett is an absolute genius and her debut novel, The Mothers, is certainly high up on my TBR for this year.

What was your favourite read of 2020?

Loves. Emma.

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